|Ward (The Witches of East Arlen)|
|Job|| Red Carpet Video employee,
High priest for Coven of Artemis
|First appearance||Witches of East Arlen|
|Voiced by||David Cross|
Ward Rackley is an employee of Red Carpet Video and "high priest" of the Coven of Artemis cult who only appears in The Witches of East Arlen. Ward claims that he is a "14th Level Sorcerer." He is really a pathetic loser who lives with his single mom in a shabby two-story home, the basement of which serves as the Coven of Artemis lodge. Hank was alarmed that a man his age was hanging out with bobby and other young boys.
Ward seems to be a devoted leader of the Coven of Artemis. He often employs "magickal" jargon when talking or complaining (when Bobby bumps into him, he grumbles, "for the love of Mordecai"). At one point he tried to get a very reluctant Bobby to drink blood from a dog in order to be accepted into the cult, although Ward and the other members of the cult had never actually done this ritual.
When Hank asked if he was 30 or 40 years old, he responded that he was actually five-thousand years old. He also told Hank he didn't want to waste his "seed" on a common Harlot and he said "When the time is right, a maiden will be delivered up to me. Probably from the East."
HANK: You're Ward Rackley? WARD RACKLEY: It's one of my many monikers, yes. I am also known as Manolgar of the North Woods, and in certain circles, Austin Aussman Straklabartar.
WARD: “take your positions on the pentagram” MITCHELL: “A pentagram has five points but theres only four bases.” WARD: “Why do you always have to test me, Mitchell. Just go stand at shortstop!”
WARD: “Our kind have always been persecuted by those who understand not. From the Salem Trials of the 1600s to the locker room beatings and bathroom swirlees of today. 'Tis all one.”
WARD: ”Your training begins now. You can start by refilling my Root Beer.”
WARD: “No reason to waste perfectly good Caninus Spirituis. Let’s find an overpass.”