The Petriot Act

The Petriot Act
Air date	February 13, 2005
Written by	Christy Stratton
Directed by	Robin Brigstocke
Episode guide
Previous	"Dale to the Chief"
Next	"Enrique-cilable Differences"

"The Petriot Act" is the 177th episode of King of the Hill. It was first aired on February 13, 2005. The episode was written by Christy Stratton and directed by Robin Brigstocke.

Summary

Hank is asked to care for a soldier's pet cat, which proves to be a pain to dog-lover Hank. Meanwhile, Bill cares for a soldier's dog and, for once, his life turns around.

Plot

In the alley, as Hank remarks that he will miss Lady Bird when he goes on vacation in two weeks, he, Dale and Boomhauer see a golden retriever, Buster, in the street. Coming up to them with the dog, Bill greets the guys and introduces them to Buster, who shakes Dale's hand. He explains that he joined a military program where one can take care of a U.S. military soldier's pet while they are on tours of duty. Inspired by the idea of helping U.S. military members, Hank asks if civilians can join the program too, which Bill confirms. Inside the Hill residence, Peggy summarizes the family's vacation plan to Bobby, which involves driving 400 miles north of Arlen to take a riverboat up the Mississippi River to Memphis, Tennessee to visit Elvis Presley's Graceland estate. They would then go to the Titans game in Nashville, and on the way back they would eat at Willis' Famous Barbecue. As the excited Bobby assures his mother that he will be fine with not stopping often for restrooms, Hank enthusiastically tells the two about his proposal to temporarily adopt a G.I.'s dog, making Peggy skeptical. Nonetheless, she hesitantly accepts the idea when Hank assures her that it will not interfere with their vacation.

Heading back to the alley, Hank informs his friends that he joined the G.I. pet program, adding that he does not know what type of dog he will care for but knows its name is Duke. Buster grabs a beer from the cooler and gives it to Bill, who is impressed that his dog knew that he wanted another drink. Later, Hank examines the vacation path and is delighted that he does not have to travel through Oklahoma when a U.S. military officer calls him. The officer informs Hank that they will drop off Duke the next morning, dismaying Hank since he previously emphasized that he wanted to take the pet after his vacation. Unconcerned, the officer responds that patriotism "does not take a vacation", ending the call. Going into the living room, Hank tells Peggy about the pet arrival but clarifies that he spoke to the farm owner who will watch over Lady Bird that another dog would be no hassle. Seconds later, a U.S. military jeep arrives, and two soldiers put a pet cage on the ground and present the pet to Hank. To Hank and everyone else's surprise, the pet inside is actually a cat, not a dog, and it briefly runs out before heading back into its cage. As the soldiers give Hank some cat owner essentials, he tries to back out of it by pointing out that his dog would not get along with a cat, but both animals show no animosity, and the soldiers remind Hank that he was so enthusiastic in his application that he quoted the Star Spangled Banner in its entirety.

Soon, the Hills prepare their cat's items when they see Duke clean his genitals with his tongue, disgusting them. Hank tells the annoyed Peggy that they should be fine, but Duke suddenly jumps onto the cat litter box that Peggy holds. Later, Hank drinks with his friends when Duke comes out and starts scratching and gnawing at his leg, much to Dale and Boomhauer's amusement. Bill comes by and explains to the disgruntled Hank that taking care of a G.I.'s cat is still as honorable as taking care of a G.I.'s dog. Per his soldier's request, Hank goes to Hooked on a Feline to buy special cat food for Duke. The eccentric storeowner recommends that he buy expensive cat food behind his counter instead of the products on the store shelves, so Hank begrudgingly buys the Scientific Formula food. That night, the Hills eat dinner and discuss their vacation when Duke jumps onto the table and vomits into the dinner tray, startling and frustrating them. Hank tries to pick up the cat, but Duke scratches his face and jumps away. As Hank treats his face wound and discovers that the cat defecated in his shoes, further angering him. Although Peggy suggests taking the cat to Dr. Yandell, Hank specifies that he is required to take Duke to Dr. Bradley Leslie, Hennessey's preferred doctor.

The next day at the Vet Consortium, Hank checks in with Teresa for his appointment with Dr. Leslie. Waiting for his appointment to commence, Hank sits down next to Mr. Javier and avoids eye contact with his parrot. In the veterinarian's room, Hank tells Dr. Leslie that he is not familiar with cats. Although he wants the doctor to sign his form stating that the cat has been taken care of, Dr. Leslie replies that they have not done all of the various tests for Duke's overall health. The doctor claims that the Scientific Formula that Hank has fed to Duke is actually bad for them and prods him into buying a different food product that is three times more expensive. At the reception counter, Hank is frustrated to see the pricey medical bill and hears from Tommy that the prices are due to the fact that the office has the latest veterinarian technology. At home, Hank informs his family that because of the pricey medical bills for Duke, they have to cut out the riverboat stop from their vacation. Additionally, Hank gets a call from Leslie and is summoned to bring Duke back in for yet another health test. He is disheartened that he will have to pay another couple thousand dollars for Duke's potential surgeries, so Hank offers a traveler's check as payment.

Back at home, Peggy and Bobby are angry with Hank for continuing to take care of Duke, who has virtually cost them the entire vacation budget. Later, Hank's right eye is scratched by Duke, and he goes to Dr. Leslie for more allegedly necessary tests. Despite the tests, Leslie refuses to sign the release form for Duke on the basis that the cat still needs more tests. Wanting a second opinion, Hank brings the cat to Dr. Yandell's Veterinary Office, learning from Yandell that the cat is fine. Though Dr. Yandell offers to sign the release form, Hank answers that only Duke's preferred doctor is allowed to do so. Yandell confirms that Leslie's technology is why his bills are so expensive, asking Tommy about the products he has sold. Hearing that Leslie does not have the latest technology, Hank asks for one of the brochures.

At the Vet Consortium, Hank barges into Leslie's office and affirms that he knows the veterinarian's products are not the most recent ones. Leslie quietly tells Hank that he cannot buy the products because it would bankrupt him, but Hank retorts that he could inform his customers that he has deprived them of the latest medical care. To prevent him from doing so, Leslie agrees to sign the release form, and Duke is soon sent back to his owner. Sometime later, Hank and his family go to Willis' Famous Barbecue to use their meager amount of vacation money, but they are pleased to be away from home. Elsewhere, Bill returns Buster to his owner, who offers to take Bill back to the U.S. mainland on a military jet.

Characters

• Hank Hill
• Peggy Hill
• Bobby Hill
• Dale Gribble
• Bill Dauterive
• Jeff Boomhauer
• Dr. Bradley Leslie
• Duke the Cat
• Lady Bird
• Buster
• Dr. Yandell
• Mr. Javier
• Tommy
• Teresa
• Frank
• Hooked on a Feline storeowner
• Buster's owner (voiced by Phil LaMarr)
• Army Sergeant Williams (voice-only; voiced by Stephen Root)
• Private Hennessey (mentioned)

Stinger Quote

• Dale: "Oh, this has been a cat-astrophe!"

Trivia

• The episode title is a pun on the USA PATRIOT Act of 2001, a highly controversial surveillance law.

Goofs

• At the end of the episode, the Dallas Cowboys' player on screen is wearing number 8, which was Troy Aikman's number; however, this episode aired several years after Aikman retired from football and the Cowboys had his number removed from circulation. It is plausible it is an old Cowboys game airing on NFL Network, which launched in November 2003.

Gallery

Promotional art