Ted Wassanasong

Ted Wassanasong (Lao: ເຕດ ວະສະນາສົງ) is the husband of Cindy Wassanasong and father of Chane Wassanasong, and an affluent Laotian-American who both Kahn and Minh admire and envy. He is a high-ranking member of the Nine Rivers Country Club and a member of the Arlen Boosters' Club.

In the Season 10 episode "Orange You Sad I Did Say Banana?", it is revealed that Ted's purpose for accumulating wealth and political influence is to assist rebel groups dedicated to overthrowing the Communist government of Laos.

Appearance[]

Ted is a Laotian man with a skinny build, tan skin, and short black hair with baldness from the crown to frontal region. He commonly dresses in various business casual attire to include a sports coat over button-down shirts and dress pants or polo shirt.

In Season 14, he has considerably aged, with liver spots visible on his scalp and slightly saggier jowls.

Description[]

While the Souphanousinphone family are a typical middle-class family who exhibit similar qualities of an Asian-American family, the Wassanasongs are practically their counterpart. Ted, unlike Kahn, is wealthy and is well known among the Asian community in Arlen. While Kahn respects Ted, it is often shown that Ted has no interest in friendship with Kahn or the Souphanousinphone family. However, it is seen occasionally that Ted has some interest over the Hills, normally when it requires Ted or Cindy for a personal matter, such as selling pots or joining the PGA. Despite Ted's pride of being an Asian-American, as seen in Orange You Sad I Did Say Banana?, even as far as calling Kahn a "Banana", Ted lives a similar lifestyle to that of western Americans. Interestingly enough, he is not a Buddhist as Kahn is, but is a member of the Episcopal church in Arlen. It was later revealed that Ted joined the Episcopal Church not for personal or spiritual reasons, but as the best place to make connections.

The Souphanousinphone family often makes attempt to please or even impress Ted and Cindy, in order to be noticed in the Asian community or even to be members of the exclusive Nine Rivers Country Club, as Ted and Cindy are notable members. These plots end up with Kahn and Minh using expensive vanities, such as Cuban cigars, to appear more affluent and cultured in front of the Wassanasongs.

In "A Man Without a Country Club," Kahn reveals that Ted Wassanasong knows how to speak "Chinese" (Cantonese) as Kahn was unable to interpret the conversation between Ted and Mr. Ho.

His son, Chane Wassanasong, is a somewhat smart yet boorish student at Tom Landry Middle School, who often bullies Bobby and attempts to date Connie. For this reason, particularly to have his son to marry a Laotian, as seen in "Naked Ambition," he has a small relationship with the Souphanousinphone family, but his wife has not shown any endorsement of Chane's interest in Connie. In fact, in the episode "A Man Without a Country Club" Cindy mentions to Ted that they have actually forbidden Chane from dating Connie.

Ted is seen much more prominently than Cindy and is apparently involved in causes that Cindy is unaware of, including Tom Landry Middle School's Longhorns booster club (despite Chane being a track star and not a football player), and also joins a bizarre committee of affluent public officials and businessmen looking to create a "Museum of Prostitution" in "Harlottown".

Ted is occasionally shown to not be as high brow as he appears; in "Harlottown", he is shown to be a pervert who, along with other sleazy businessman Lane Pratley, is hoping to create a sex and pornography community in Arlen under the guise of "sophisticated tourism". Ted is also mocked and ashamed in "Trans-Fascism" after his affluent city friends point out to him that he's eating in a diner that still uses trans-fats, despite other "cosmopolitan cities, even Philadelphia" having banned those. Ted is also shown to have a secret hobby of singing karaoke in a working-class bar, a place Kahn is surprised to discover him in. Ted is corrupt and, while creating laws that ban trans-fats in Arlen, he is later seen buying hush puppies from an illegal trans-fats' food truck; he is also willing to fire groundskeeper Smitty which would cause him to lose his old-age pension, reflecting a lack of empathy for others.

Trivia[]

Ted is bilingual, being able to speak in English and in Chinese (Cantonese) as shown when he talked to Mr. Ho.
The design of Ted may refer to Li Ka Shing, a famous real estate tycoon in Hong Kong.
Ted dresses up in a sheriff costume in "Harlottown".
Ted is shown to be a fan of karaoke in "Pour Some Sugar on Kahn"; he considers the hobby therapeutic even though his location of choice is in a lower-class local bar.
The snobbishness that Ted and Cindy express towards Kahn and Minh is ironic considering that Minh is the daughter of a powerful, wealthy Laotian military general responsible for human rights abuses and war crimes. This may be a part of why Ted has disdain for the Souphanousinphones, since he is anti-communist and opposes much of the ideology that General Gum, Minh's father, supported in the past.
In "Orange You Sad I Did Say Banana?", Ted shows Kahn a 300-year-old carving of Man of Louang Namtha that he owns, Ted is referring to Luang Namtha (Lao: ຫລວງນໍ້າທາ) the capital of Luang Namtha Province in northern Laos, which borders China and Myanmar (Burma).
It is revealed in "A Man Without a Country Club" that Ted and Cindy got so sick of Kahn and Minh that they started forbidding Chane to date Connie. By the time of season 14, they seem to have reversed their decision, viewing Connie and Chane's relationship as "wholesome", seemingly unaware of their agreement to engage in "ethican non-monogamy." This view is undone once more after it is revealed that Kahn and Mihn had been secretly divorced all along, causing Ted to view them with even more disdain than before.