Love Hurts and So Does Art is the 53rd episode of King of the Hill. It was first aired on March 23, 1999. The episode was written by John Altschuler and Dave Krinsky, and directed by Adam Kuhlman. Marshall Lancaster guest stars.
The Hill family goes to Show Biz Deli, a New York style deli with pictures of famous people on the wall (it attracts Bobby). Hank reads the menu and when he sees tongue, he decides it's no suitable place to eat since they are serving what they're supposed to throw out. But, before they leave, Bobby pretends to have to use the restroom, and asks for a "Louie Anderson" as he will leave the money on the hand dryer.
The next day at school, Joseph proceeds to be mean to Connie's friend, desperate to show her his affection towards her. He tells Bobby he is lucky because Connie already likes him so he's already getting a kiss after the first middle school dance. Then Joseph mentions "girlfriend" and Bobby gets a bit freaked. When he returns home, he talks with Luanne while she braids Bobby's hair (one of her wigs on him) and she tells him the dance will be wonderful and "if the girl doesn't pass out drunk on you" then the night will end with a "big, slobbery kiss" and that nothing will ever be the same between Bobby and Connie again. Bobby says he already practiced kissing with Connie before but Luanne reassures him this will be different; like when he kissed his last girlfriend Marie, and this brings back memories of how sad he was when they broke up. Bobby is then seen again at the "Show Biz Deli" eating a chopped liver sandwich and then ordering another that the owner was going to have to throw out if Bobby hadn't wanted it. He notes that he didn't like running an Italian place because you have to heat up the meat...
Back at the house, Hank receives an invitation to an art show at the Dallas Museum of Modern Art, which he fails to take seriously. But Hank and Peggy are then met by Bobby who hasn't been eating his supper and doesn't seem to want to talk about the dance with his mother. He is always sneaking off to the mall where "all those sport fields are...nearby" (where he is really going to the deli) and Hank says his son is actually showing "normal" behavior for once. He is very proud to say this. Bobby is seen purchasing more lumps of meat with the pennies from his big change jar.
Connie and Bobby are biking home one night and Bobby complains about his big toe hurting, he is wearing his mother's shoe on his right foot. When he gets inside, Hank learns from a phone call from the Museum that his photo is in the gallery, and parking is free for him. She doesn't have any more information, she is just the caterer, and so he tells her to buy eight pounds of cheese for sixty people and proceeds to hang up. Hank tells Bobby he has "turf toe" from all the activity he has been doing lately. Hank seems to be very proud that he can finally take his son to the "Heimlich County Sports Medical Center" and laugh at all the people there with "tennis elbow".
The doctor tells Hank Bobby actually has gout ("The levels of uric acid in your blood rise until the level becomes excessive (hyperuricemia), causing urate crystals to build up around the joints. This causes inflammation and severe pain when a gout attack happens. When the human body breaks down chemicals called purines it produces uric acid. Purines can be found naturally in your body, as well as in food, such as organ meats, anchovies, asparagus, mushrooms and herring."  ) The doctor tells his parents to stop "pumping him full" of organ meats-livers, hearts, etc. Bobby admits he has been getting the "Louie Anderson" at the deli for awhile. When the doctor gives him a cane, Bobby twirls it excitedly and asks if it comes with a hat. Bill gives Bobby a hat.
At the exhibit, Hank was expecting the photo to be his High School Football picture, since it is the only one he knows is in circulation. Dale assures him that there is much more than that available on the internets. When they arrive at the art gallery, however, it is a picture from his doctor of his backed up colon from when he was constipated from eating Beef Wellington, juxtaposed with a picture of a starving Third World child.
At school, Bobby is at the front of the class taking questions about his "rare disease" that he was the first under 70 to contract, however when three students ask if he's taking Connie to the dance, Bobby freaks out and says they have run out of time. Later Bobby is seen yet again at the deli eating Chicken Chopped Liver (of which he asked his doctor, "does Chicken Chopped Liver have Liver in it?") and asks the owner Karl to "leave the tub". Karl asks what is the matter and Bobby says gout, he asks what causes gout and Bobby says "nobody knows".
Connie returns a spoon Bobby left at her house and asks Peggy if he will be better by the dance, to which she replies "Bobby is doing everything he can to get back on his feet for that dance. No more deli meats for him". And Bobby is then seen on an elderly person's scooter chair, creeping down the street. Connie sees Bobby eating at the "Show Biz Deli" & calls him out for eating liver. She cries and asks "You would rather stuff yourself and ride around in your stupid electric cart than take me to the dance?" to which he replies "Well, I guess I would." Connie runs out of the deli crying. Bobby angrily asks for some more disgusting food and Karl says "Bobby don't you think you've had enough?" to which Bobby replies "I'll tell you when I've had enough!"
The next day Bobby learns Connie has a new date for the dance, which confuses and saddens Bobby. Hank has the artist arrested, since there is a law in Texas against defaming beef. He posts the picture he expected to be at the gallery in the first place, stating, "Hank Hill, running back. Circa 1974. Picture by Kodak, USA." and he salutes the photo.
Later, Bobby sees Connie leaving for the dance, so he runs outside (with his cane, wobbles) and gets on his electric cart, speeding (as fast as he can) back to the deli yet again, only for Karl to make him realize he cares about Connie more than the chopped liver. He orders Karl to "bring me my rascal," and heads off to the dance. Alas, the cart's battery is depleted but Bobby jumps from the cart onto the grass, rolling for safety. He hops and rolls down the hill to the dance, with the song lyrics "Love hurts" in the background. He arrives at the dance luckily to find Connie dateless, she only wanted to make him jealous. He asks to dance and when Connie asks about his gout, he replies, "When you really want something, you play through the pain." The ending comes as the two are seen dancing with both Bobby's feet on the ground, with Leann Rimes song "How do I live" playing.
- Hank Hill
- Peggy Hill
- Bobby Hill
- Luanne Platter
- Dale Gribble
- Joseph Gribble
- Jeff Boomhauer
- Bill Dauterive
- Kahn Souphanousinphone
- Minh Souphanousinphone
- Connie Souphanousinphone
- Unnamed Woman (cameo) - voiced by Julianne Buesher
- Unnamed Woman (cameo) - voiced by Lisa Jane Persky
- Unnamed Woman (cameo) - voiced by Jill Parker
- Sheriff (cameo)
- The music played as Bobby struggles in pain because of gout to get to the school dance is "Love Hurts" by Nazereth (from which the title of this episode is also taken from).
- On the wall at the "Show Biz Deli" there is a picture of Johnny Hardwick, the actor who voices Dale Gribble.
- Although Congress passed the Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act (HIPAA) in 1996, Texas didn't enact its own HIPAA until 2001. The use of Hank's x-ray without his consent was a clear violation of HIPAA standards, yet Hank invoked a Texas beef anti-defamation law.
- Joseph ends up going to the dance with Sherice, the girl Joseph explains he has a crush on near the beginning of the episode when Joseph states that he's worried he'll have no date to the dance. It is revealed that they go to the dance together at the end of the episode where they're shown dancing among the other dates at the dance.
- Dr. Morley, the proctologist who examined Hank from the episode Hank's Unmentionable Problem is mentioned in this episode. He was responsible for the X-ray of Hank's colon ending up in the art exhibit.
- Bobby: "I've got gout!"
- Hank: "Son, what have I told you about the funny walks?"
- Bobby: "Not in the house."
- It is implied that the constipated colon picture of Hank was taken by Dr. Morley in "Hank's Unmentionable Problem." But this is a zoomed-out, X-ray-style picture. Morley examined Hank with an in-the-colon camera, and thus, this picture would have been impossible to take with it.